Found a journal entry on my Drive. So here:
A vast expanse of nothingness is an adequate description of my mind today. Sure, I have painfully simple thoughts and opinions but they don’t concern anything important. It is a queer feeling. I saw a couple friends at the pool today, yet I said hello and was not obliged to say anything else. I watched plainly as they walked away and continued their lives. I don’t feel upset in any way. It’s almost like I am alive today for the sole purpose of being. I’m not a friend, daughter, cousin, sister, or even really anything. I’m just a speck on the windshield of life. It is not a bad feeling at all, but quite different from anything I have ever experienced. I have always been concerned or worried about something. But for the first time in my life, I honestly have nothing to think about. No cares in the world. Or maybe that’s too harsh. I do care about a lot of things, just not to the extent I usually do. My mind is overwhelmed with the knowledge that I should be going crazy right now. My mind is full of waves. Thoughts roll in quickly and stay for a moment, before being retracted back into the sea of my soul.
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So I don't remember the exact feeling I had there. But I know it was similar to apathy. I don't really know what else to say about it, so that's it.
A vast expanse of nothingness is an adequate description of my mind today. Sure, I have painfully simple thoughts and opinions but they don’t concern anything important. It is a queer feeling. I saw a couple friends at the pool today, yet I said hello and was not obliged to say anything else. I watched plainly as they walked away and continued their lives. I don’t feel upset in any way. It’s almost like I am alive today for the sole purpose of being. I’m not a friend, daughter, cousin, sister, or even really anything. I’m just a speck on the windshield of life. It is not a bad feeling at all, but quite different from anything I have ever experienced. I have always been concerned or worried about something. But for the first time in my life, I honestly have nothing to think about. No cares in the world. Or maybe that’s too harsh. I do care about a lot of things, just not to the extent I usually do. My mind is overwhelmed with the knowledge that I should be going crazy right now. My mind is full of waves. Thoughts roll in quickly and stay for a moment, before being retracted back into the sea of my soul.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I don't remember the exact feeling I had there. But I know it was similar to apathy. I don't really know what else to say about it, so that's it.
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