Sunday, July 29, 2012


Found a journal entry on my Drive. So here:

A vast expanse of nothingness is an adequate description of my mind today. Sure, I have painfully simple thoughts and opinions but they don’t concern anything important. It is a queer feeling. I saw a couple friends at the pool today, yet I said hello and was not obliged to say anything else. I watched plainly as they walked away and continued their lives. I don’t feel upset in any way. It’s almost like I am alive today for the sole purpose of being. I’m not a friend, daughter, cousin, sister, or even really anything. I’m just a speck on the windshield of life. It is not a bad feeling at all, but quite different from anything I have ever experienced. I have always been concerned or worried about something. But for the first time in my life, I honestly have nothing to think about. No cares in the world. Or maybe that’s too harsh. I do care about a lot of things, just not to the extent I usually do. My mind is overwhelmed with the knowledge that I should be going crazy right now. My mind is full of waves. Thoughts roll in quickly and stay for a moment, before being retracted back into the sea of my soul.

So I don't remember the exact feeling I had there. But I know it was similar to apathy. I don't really know what else to say about it, so that's it.


I wrote this poem on the 27th. Hopefully now that I started this blog, I can post my writing the day I write it. But until I have more recent work, I will continue posting old work. But anyway, I wrote this piece when I was just chilling in bed and the thought sprung up.:

What is life?
A compilation of moments.
Simple things, often forgotten.
I have had many thrills,
Exciting experiences most don't get.
But when I ponder my life,
That isn't what I see.
I close my eyes and watch my autobiography.
My most precious memories are so simple;
Playing with my pets, Playing in the bathtub as a child.
What happened to all the birthdays, Christmases, and other celebrations?
Do I have even the slightest recollection?
I can't remember milestones that I should.
Most of my memories are upsetting.
I don't regret them.
But, they are times of grief, abandonment, anger.
Fear. Attraction. Love.
I feel that I am not alone in this mindset,
But most don't take the time to discover it.
   I'm not sure how I can really explain this one, as it was more of an emotion I was describing than an idea. This is a completely rough draft; I didn't edit it at all. It came straight from a page of my journal. I don't know exactly what it means to me, so it would be great if people could post what it means to them. I'm incredibly curious.

A Day On the Beach

Here's a poem I wrote while laying on the beach a few weeks ago:

Dark cherry red lips on a freckled pale face
Young, worn eyes framed in thunder
Stretched upon decades of degraded sand.
Flame red hair pulled back
Whipping through the misty salt air
Top half drinking energy from the sun
Strength seeping in from the rocky pillow below
Thoughts steeping from her pores
Drifting in the endless breeze.
To where the sea meets the sky
and there put to rest
and the girl falls into deep slumber
baking in the warmth
dreaming for eternity of an alternate life.
A life lived deep in the ocean
and someday catching up to those thoughts.
   A few days before writing this, I had been told that my imagery isn't the best, so I really tried to work on that. To me, this is about me laying on the beach and what my thoughts were. In a way, I was able to take all my stress and problems and push them away until the next day at home. I was able to just relax and think deeper, more meaningful thoughts. It was a really nice feeling.

   I really appreciate all advice and ideas, as it helps me improve my work. So whoever reads this, please say whatever you think of it.